New Release: Vicky & Lizzie’s First Period by Andrew Mackay

 

Bloody Hell!

All together now…

There were two girls called Vicky & Lizzie
Who kept the Academy busy
Causing trouble and mirth
For all they were worth
Sending teachers right into a tizzy

They kicked-off a false, nasty rumour
That one of the staff was a groomer
For everyone knows
Gossip spreads out and grows
But the school didn’t quite see the humour

Would Vicky & Lizzie regret
All the damage they caused? Nah, not yet
Scheming, conniving
The girls kept on vying
A dangerous precedent was set

Vicky & Lizzie delivered a blitz
On a school at the end of its wits
Did they care? Did they f**k
They were common as muck
Those nasty, vindictive young s#!ts

This might cause upset and uproar
It’s a musical satire, what’s more
For the first time ever
We promise you’ve never
Read anything like this before

So pick up your copy today
Of a story about which you will say
That I wanted to barf
But so hard I did laugh
Vicky & Lizzie have just made my day!

Purchase on Amazon

 

Chapter Sneak Preview

‘Okay, settle down, everyone.’ Mr Parker walked to the front of the classroom with a few sheets of paper in his hand. He waited patiently for everyone to stop their chattering. ‘Guys, please?’

Vicky, Lizzie, and Jody sat at the back table next to Jonnie and Sam. The girls and boys exchanged glances and faced the front.

‘Can you please give Nancy your phones while I read out this week’s messages?’

Nancy walked around the various tables with a green box. The students took out their phones and dropped them in.

‘First of all, period one. All of you who have Mrs Bowery for English, your English exam is in the sports hall. Period one.’

‘Ugh, shit,’ Lizzie ran her hands through her hair. ‘That’s us man.’

‘Did you revise?’ Vicky asked, somewhat concerned.

‘What do you think?’

‘Period three, the boys are with me for football trials,.’ Mr Parker said, keeping an eye on the table with the boys on it, ‘Jonnie, Sam, Bartosz, Henry, and everyone else.’

‘Yes!’ Jonnie said, slammed his fist on the table and nudged Sam in the ribs. ‘You can be on my team.’

‘Girls, you’re with Ms Marcovicci for netball.’

‘Aww, sir…’ Vicky lowered her head and sighed. ‘Can’t we play football with the boys?

‘No, Ms Hopper.’

‘Bur sir—’

‘—No arguing, Vicky. It’s all been arranged. You’re with Nancy, Jody, Brogan and the others for netball with Ms Marcovicci.’

‘Ugh. So unfair. I hate her.’

‘No-one cares.’ Mr Parker looked at his papers. ‘Okay, year eight assembly is tomorrow morning. We have a guest speaker coming in who’s written books about careers and stuff. It doesn’t say who she is. Mr Foster is keen that you are all acquainted with the topic of motivation. It’s the year eight assembly theme for this week.’

‘Phones, please,’ Nancy said and held the green box in front of Vicky and Lizzie.

‘Ugh, Nancy bloody Brittle.’ Vicky took out her phone and dropped it into the box. ‘Teacher’s pet.’

‘Don’t swear, Vicky Hopper. It’s not nice.’

You’re not nice, you grass.’

Nancy ignored her and shoved the box under Lizzie’s chin. ‘Phone, please, Elizabeth.’

‘Don’t call me Elizabeth, you do-goody little shit.’ She placed her phone into the box. ‘My name is Lizzie.’

‘I’m telling sir you called me a little s-word.’

‘No, it was a little shit.’

‘Whatever.’ Nancy wasted no time. She dropped the box on the table and turned to her tutor. ‘Sir?’

‘Yes, Ms Brittle?’

‘Lizzie called me the brown word.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

Nancy pointed at Lizzie’s guilty face. ‘Lizzie White called me the s-word, sir.’

Defiant, Lizzie stood up and placed her hands on her hips. ‘I did not!’

‘Did too!’

‘Okay, girls. That’s enough, thank you,’ Mr Parker nodded at the box of phones on the table. ‘Nancy, can you bring the box over here, please.’

‘But, sir—’

‘—Just do it, please. Thank you.’

‘Hey, Nancy,’ Lizzie scowled at her as she picked up the box. ‘You’ve got a big mouth.’

‘I don’t like you. You’re mean.’

‘I’m gonna get you, you stinking sack of donkey cum.’

‘I’m not scared of you.’ Nancy lifted her head up with pride and carried the box over to Mr Parker’s desk. Lizzie slumped back into her seat and folded her arms.

Vicky kicked Jody’s knee under the table, trying to catch her attention.

‘Oww!’

‘Sorry, mate.’ Vicky snorted, ‘I didn’t mean to kick you so hard.’

Jody rubbed her knee. ‘What do you want?’

‘Tell us about Layla and Mr Galigan?’ Vicky winked at Lizzie. The pair leaned in as Jody kept an eye out for Mr Parker and launched into an explanation.

‘It’s gross. The teachers were talking about it in the staff room.’

Vicky raised her eyebrows. ‘What happened?’

 

About the Author

Some authors are afraid to cross the line.

Me? Oh, I’m glad you asked! I make “the line” my starting point…

My brand is satire.

I hop between genres like madman on crack because my razor-sharp literary knife is hungry for political and social commentary. One genre just can’t cut it (if you’ll forgive the pun.) I’m obsessed, I tell you!

I write straight-up humor and farce, horror, crime, romance… all under the banner of satire.

My novels often contain a ruthless commentary on society, delving into the darker machinations of modern life. They can be uproarious, funny, outrageous and shocking. Make no mistake, though. They are this way for a reason, and always come equipped with a sense of humanity and wit.

My influences include John Cleese, Tom Sharpe, Kurt Vonnegut, James Patterson, Hunter S Thompson, Douglas Adams, Imogen Edwards-Jones, Michael Frayn, Chris Morris, Jerry Sadowitz, Christopher Hitchins, Bill Maher, George Carlin, Jordan Peterson, Pat Condell, and writer/director Larry Cohen.

My obsessions include (and are essentially limited to) obscene amounts of: smoking, drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sex, debating, daydreaming and writing about himself in the third person.

 

Website – https://chromevalleybooks.com/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/chromevalleybooks

Twitter – https://twitter.com/Andrew_CVB

Join Andrew Mackay on Facebook for a virtual launch party tonight for a selection of author takeovers and giveaways.

17:00 – 20:00 CST  which is  23:00 – 02:00 GMT (14/15 Feb)

https://www.facebook.com/events/254661718405712/

 

 

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